Two examples of a loving finish
Ed Bradley and Steve Arnold died of the same thing on the same day. Their experiences also reflect similar changes in how life ends now, and the new opportunities for a meaningful final chapter.
Ed was the award-winning “60 Minutes” correspondent who launched his career covering the Vietnam War. Steve lived just down the road from me, and had been my sons’ wrestling coach. Ed had leukemia, which he’d kept private until shortly before succumbing to a related infection. It’s hard to keep a secret in a small Vermont town, so everyone around here knew that Steve had leukemia. His life ended when his heart stopped, after a long struggle and even a year or so when we all thought he’d beaten the disease.
Entirely different communities of people grieve these losses, yet they have something important in common. Both Ed and Steve had a chance to visit with friends and family in their last days. Both died in the embrace of loved ones. We should all be so lucky, when our time comes.
That sentiment can be more than a dream, however. Until a few years ago, most people died suddenly – of heart attacks, strokes and accidents. Society mobilized to combat those causes of mortality, with amazing success. Now most people die slowly, of things like Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s, organ failure, AIDS, and of course, cancer.
Slow dying can be a terrifying prospect, forcing patients and families to look mortality in the eye. But it can also offer incredible opportunities, enabling people to settle their affairs, mend relationships and work toward a spiritual peace. It makes possible the potential for ending life in an atmosphere not of medical panic but of loving calm.
Ed and Steve both achieved those ends to some degree, which must have eased their passing and been a comfort to their families and friends.
Steve’s family prepared a slide show for his wake and funeral, shots ranging from early childhood to recent adventures, and the last photo is of him standing in a river, soaking wet, smiling, his arms spread wide as if to embrace all that life has to offer. I’m glad to have that image of him in my mind for all time. I’m glad, too, for the example he and his family provided for facing life’s end with such courage. What better way to leave this world than in the warm embrace of love?